Category: Wives

  • The Forgotten Strength of a Woman: Femininity

    The Forgotten Strength of a Woman: Femininity

    Every woman has a great strength to bring to her marriage.

    Unfortunately, few wives use this relationship-building tool. Some women discarded it long ago, mistaking it for an outdated hindrance. Others are afraid of being hurt by it. Many women simply do not realize the gift that they have.

    What is this superpower?

    It is femininity.

    Although femininity has been forgotten in our culture today, it is still relevant and valuable. We would do well to start asking these questions: What is true femininity? How can it strengthen our marriages?

    What is femininity?

    By “femininity,” I do not mean pink, ruffles, or lace.

    When God made people, He made them “male and female, in His image.” Although God is neither male nor female, certain glories of His divine nature are revealed through the masculinity of men and through the femininity of women. It is God’s noble calling upon a woman to minister in her marriage through her God-designed and God-revealing femininity.

    Although being female is a matter of biology, being feminine is a matter of relationship. Femininity is the relationship-knitting response to masculinity.

    It is God’s design for a man to carry the weight of responsibility for the well-being of his wife. As he takes action and as he makes personal sacrifices for the benefit of his beloved, the masculine husband reveals the proactive, self-sacrificing character of God. (Read my salute to masculinity HERE.)

    It is God’s design for a woman to strengthen the lover in his responsibility and to receive him with welcoming and acceptance. Although Christian wives are often encouraged to support their husbands with respect, much less is said about the importance of welcoming and acceptance, which is the great strength of femininity.

    How does femininity affect our marriages?

    A feminine wife welcomes her husband with warmth. This is more than a physical welcoming; this is a welcoming in the woman’s spirit. Her husband knows that when he comes into his wife’s presence, she will receive him with gladness and honor.

    How does this commitment to “welcoming” reflect God? Think of the story that Jesus told about a father and his prodigal son. Do you remember how the father welcomed his son when the son returned home? The father ran to his son, threw his arms around him, kissed him, and honored him. The father received his son with his arms flung wide-open and with a whole-hearted embrace. This was genuine, fervent welcoming! Not only did the father physically demonstrate his eagerness to receive his son, but the father also welcomed his son in spirit.

    After painting this word-picture for us so that we understand how God receives us, the Scriptures urge us to extend this same welcome to others: “Welcome and receive [to your hearts] one another, then, even as Christ has welcomed and received you, for the glory of God” (Romans 15:7, Amplified Bible).

    Not only does a feminine woman welcome her husband, but she also accepts him. Of course, she does not accept what is evil, harmful, or abusive. But she deeply accepts her husband as God made him. She accepts him as a man made in the image of God, as a man created for strength and greatness. She recognizes that her husband is an immortal spirit, designed to reflect the glory of God. This woman looks past her husband’s faults to see that he himself is highly valuable. She knows that he is a sinner—as she is, too—but that he is also priceless. She accepts him as an amazing gift from God to treasure and to enjoy.

    Women sometimes fear that responding to their husbands in this way will cause their husbands to become sloppy in both manners and morals. Women worry that their acceptance will enable poor behavior. But genuine acceptance of a man’s spirit actually encourages that man to succeed. Sincere acceptance often motivates a man to take responsible action. Rejection, however, never encourages and rarely motivates.

    A feminine woman realizes that her husband’s heart is full of many things which she has not felt and many things of which she does not even know—hurts, disappointments, struggles, and deep inner woundings. She respects the mysteries of his heart which are known only to God. She is mindful that her husband is “fearfully and wonderfully made” with strengths and perspectives which she does not have but which she accepts and appreciates.

    But doesn’t a woman also need to take responsibility and take action? Certainly! But she is wise to specialize in warm welcome and deep acceptance.

    When a woman is uncertain at times about what to do in her marriage, she can “default” to the feminine specialties of warm welcome and deep acceptance. She can trust God that these are things which God will honor; she can trust that these are things which will minister well to her husband.

    When a woman longs for her husband to be masculine (that is, responsible and active) in their relationship, it is usually not effective for her to take over his responsibilities or for her to take action to make him become more masculine. Instead, she can be confident that a powerful way to strengthen her husband’s masculinity is by encouraging him through her femininity. The best confirmation of a man’s masculinity is his wife’s femininity.

    If we, as wives, want to strengthen our marriages through our femininity, here are some questions to ask ourselves:

    What does my husband sense when he comes into my presence? Does he sense open arms or folded arms? Does he feel belittled? In my presence, does he sense disapproval, disappointment, rejection, irritation, or anger?  Or does he sense warm welcome?

    Does my husband gain strength because of my deep acceptance of him? Am I mindful of his high value? Do I accept his needs, his differences, and his unique design? Do I accept him as a man to know, to serve, and to delight in?

    As we embrace godly femininity, we regain not only a forgotten strength but also a God-revealing glory.

  • Who You Are, & What You’re Worth

    Who You Are, & What You’re Worth

    If you are trying to build up your value, or if you are working to create a satisfying identity, you can lay those heavy burdens down.

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    I listened to my friend recently as she lamented that her sense of identity was unraveling like yarn being pulled from a sweater:

    “I  thought I was doing great. I was getting stuff done and feeling rather talented. But lately, I have been feeling completely incompetent. Maybe even worthless.  I’m overwhelmed with demands that I can’t meet. I can’t even keep my closets organized!”

    We all need reminders of our true identity and worth. If you feel that a messy closet—or a messy life—is messing with your value, here’s some great truth for you:

    Your value is built in.

    You are a masterpiece, bearing the fingerprints and signature of God. You are created in His image to reflect His beauty and strength to others. You are created in His image in order to enjoy Him with true delight and pleasure. 

    Your identity is not found in your good looks or your talents or your personality or your accomplishments.  If you are in covenant with Christ, then you have the most fantastic identity possible:

    “I am His.”

    You belong to Christ as His beloved. You are His.

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    “I am His.”

    “Do not fear, for I have redeemed you;
    I have called you by name; you are Mine!”
    (Isaiah 43:1, HCSB)

    You are deeply desired, passionately pursued, forever cherished.

    “The LORD your God is with you,
    the Mighty Warrior who saves.
    He will take great delight in you with gladness.
    With his love, he will calm all your fears.
    He will rejoice over you with singing.”
    (Zephaniah 3:17, NIV, NLT)

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    You belong to One who knows you—the real you. He knows everything about you; and in the midst of all the knowing, He loves you. He is unfailing in His commitment to you, and He is unwavering in His devotion. He is your intimate friend, your Gentle Shepherd, and your awesomely perfect God.

    “My beloved is mine and I am his.”
    (Song of Songs 2:16, NIV)

    “I am His.”

    All the circumstances of your life are just props for this great Love story. Messy closets, difficult relationships, fussy babies, demanding work assignments, physical challenges, financial pressures—all of these are backdrops for living out the truth that you are His beloved.

    Made in His image, you can reflect Him in your circumstances. Your goal is no longer to control circumstances or to impress people. God has established your value, and He is the One who controls the details of your life for you.

    You can focus on being impressed with Him. He is the One who will make your name great (Genesis 12:2), and He is the One who will share His glory with you (2 Thessalonians 2:14, Romans 8:17).

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    Deeply and perfectly loved by Him, you can walk through this day with the goal of loving Him back, following His guidance. That might mean cleaning a closet. Or it might mean shoving another stray shoe back into that closet and just trying to get the door to close, for now.

    But your value is unchanging: you are priceless.

    And your identity is solid: you are His.


    If you are interested in learning more about who you are and what you’re worth, you will enjoy reading “Beautiful and Beloved,” the first chapter in Devoted: Pressing in to Know Christ More.

  • Encouraging Your Husband Spiritually (RAPID)

    Encouraging Your Husband Spiritually (RAPID)

    How can you encourage spiritual growth in your husband?

    You could try leaving tracts on your husband’s pillow, reading Scripture loudly when he walks by, or keeping yourself busy by attending lots of church functions. You could, … but please don’t! It won’t work, and both of you will be miserable!

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    Fortunately, God has given some trustworthy directives that won’t backfire. We can use the acronym RAPID to list several ways in which you can bless your husband, whether he is a believer or not.

    Respect your husband. You may not respect everything that he does, but you can always respect the man God created him to be because he is an immortal spirit made in the image of God Almighty. Be continually aware that your husband is created for greatness and honor. He is designed for strength and success. Stay in awe of that.

    Maintain a “zero-tolerance policy” against critical or demeaning thoughts of your husband in your own mind and spirit. Rehearse to yourself the truth of his great value. See his failings as brokenness and spiritual captivity, not as personal attacks that threaten your spiritual well-being.

    Accept him. Accept him for who he is at his core.  Keep a warm “welcome” in your spirit to your man. When you communicate to him, “I accept you, and I desire you,” then your holiness becomes beautiful to him and can attract him to God.

    Pray. Pray for yourself, and pray for your husband. Pray for insight into your husband’s needs and for wisdom on how best to minister to those needs. Pray for God to show you how to respect your husband in ways that are meaningful to him. Pray for God’s work in your husband’s heart–not that your life will be more pleasant, but that his life will be more blessed.

    Invite your husband. God has designed wives to be like fragrance, inviting their husbands into holiness. We are called by God to be magnets that draw our husbands to God; we are not called to be whips that drive our husbands to God.

    Your faith will be inviting to your husband when it makes you inviting–that is, joyful, pleasant, and cooperative. A woman who is critical and unhappy does not make her God appealing.

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    Determine to enjoy him. Make it a matter of your will, not your feelings. Insist upon enjoying him. “Relish life with the spouse you love each and every day …” (Eccl. 9:9, MSG). Focus on strengthening your friendship with him.

    Become a 1 Peter 3 woman. God will give you a resting, calm spirit as you trust Him. Draw your strength and encouragement from Scripture, from prayer, and from godly girlfriends who will encourage your marriage commitment.

    Be assured that God wants you right where you are to serve Him in a very powerful and significant way. God will be faithful to meet your needs so that you are then able to minister to your husband.

    May God bless you in special ways as you serve Him in your marriage.

     

     

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    Image courtesy of stockimages at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

    Image courtesy of photostock at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

  • Want a Husband who Leads?

    Want a Husband who Leads?

    Women, do you ever wish that your husband were more of a leader in your marriage … or more involved with the family? If so, you are not alone. Women often say that they long for their husbands to become stronger leaders; some wives even say that they feel desperate for their husbands to show greater leadership in their homes. If you would like to encourage the leader in your husband, here are several things that you can do:

    1. Recognize that you probably have relational abilities that your husband does not have in the same way that you do. That’s okay; he has abilities that you don’t have. Look for the unique strengths that he does have. Appreciate the ways in which he contributes to the family according to God’s design for him. His gifts are different from yours, but that it is good because that means that your family is doubly blessed!

    2. Continue to graciously invite your husband to be involved with the family, but refuse to be resentful if he declines. Look for ways of connecting that work well for your husband, and gently build on those. Let go of the ways that aren’t comfortable for him right now.

    3. One of the greatest blessings you can give your children is to teach them to honor their father. You can do this both by instruction and by modeling.  “Translate” your husband’s hard work (and other commendable things) as active love to them. Help them to see and to appreciate his ways of showing love. It is possible for children to be more harmed by mothers who model dishonor than by fathers who work long hours.

    4. Often, when women say they want their husbands to be leaders, they mean that they want their husbands to do certain “spiritual” things. But wives should feel free to let go of their expectations and their sense of need in this area. When God says that the husband is “the head” in a marriage, this means that the husband is responsible to God for the well-being of his wife. This is an accountability issue between the man and God; it is not, as women often think, a particular list of chores for the man, such as leading family devotions or praying each night with his wife. Those are great things, of course; but that is not the core issue of headship.

    5. A woman strengthens her husband’s leadership by following him. She doesn’t make him a leader by leading him. As wives, our assignment is to cooperate with our husbands more than to correct them.

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    6. A woman is most powerful in advancing God’s work in her husband when she prays for her husband and serves him according to his needs. As wives, we build a platform when we trust and obey God; upon that platform, God then builds marriages and men.

    7. We were designed to invite our husbands, using the fragrance of “purity and reverence,” into a deeper relationship with God; we were not created to push them into it. The goal of a godly wife is not to change her husband; it is to make God attractive to him. She does this by letting the Spirit shape her into a woman who is peaceful, honoring, welcoming, and supportive. It is often a woman’s warm acceptance of her husband and her unconditional respect for him that most compellingly draws him to her God.

    God has encouragement for you! He wants you to trust Him, to be content with His timing and His plan, and to be satisfied with His goodness and faithfulness to you. Your quiet, steady trust in God and your respectful building-up of your husband will create a platform upon which your husband can grow. When we take our shaping hands off our husbands and instead put uplifting hands and prayers under them, then God is able to be the Shaper. He will shape our spirits, our marriages, and our joy.

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