Manna for Marriage

Tag: hope for marriage

  • 6 Reasons for Not Giving Up on Your Marriage

    6 Reasons for Not Giving Up on Your Marriage

    Are you ready to give up on your marriage?

    Perhaps you have reasons such as these: You are the only one trying to making it work. It takes too much effort. Nothing ever gets better. It is too painful.

    What if you discovered that God’s gift of hope is greater than your pit of despair?  What if you learned six powerful reasons for not giving up?

    1. Just one person can make a huge difference in a marriage. Just one person—you!—can make enough difference in a marriage to change the entire dynamic of the relationship.

    We tend to think that it takes two people working together to build a marriage. But is that true?

    Imagine this: think of two people standing back-to-back in conflict. If both people are willing to turn around, then the couple will be face-to-face in good relationship again. However, what happens when one person in that back-to-back situation remains motionless while the other person walks around to face the one who did not move? The two people become face-to-face again, even though only one person moved.

    If both people in a marriage will make changes, that is great. However, it takes only one spouse to make a dramatic difference. You can be the one!

    2. We easily give away our worthless junk, but we guard our treasures. If we don’t realize that what we have is valuable, we may allow ourselves to be robbed of great riches. Your marriage is a treasure because your marriage contains two priceless people! Your spouse is worth loving, and your marriage is worth fighting for.

    Your spiritual enemy knows that your marriage is extremely valuable, so he is relentless in trying to steal it from you. Don’t let him! He will urge you to let go of your marriage; he will tell you that your marriage is not worth all the effort that you are making. He is lying.

    He is lying because he wants your marriage! He knows its great value. When Satan destroys a marriage, not only does he harm the husband and the wife, but he also devastates their children, damages other marriages, weakens society, and discredits the gospel.

    Conversely, when you fight for your marriage, not only do you and your spouse benefit, but your children are powerfully blessed, the marriages around you are encouraged, society is strengthened, and the Kingdom of God advances. That is a lot to keep fighting for!

    3. Sometimes we think that if our marriages aren’t perfect, or if our spouses are not honoring God, then we are not able to glorify God through our marriages. That is not true! Regardless of what your marriage looks like or what your spouse is doing, you are able to reveal God through your choices in your marriage.

    When you keep your promises, even though others are not, you are a powerful reflection of God. When you are faithful to your covenant partner, you glorify God as the loyal Covenant Partner of His people. When you daily make the choice to love your spouse, you display the unfailing love of God.

    Your spouse’s failures do not lessen your ability to glorify God. There is never a time in our marriages where we cannot reveal the unshakeable commitment of God to His covenant people.

    If “we are faithless, he remains faithful, for he cannot disown himself.” (2 Timothy 2:13, NIV)

    4. We often fear that other people are ruining our lives, but we know that as believers in Christ, this simply cannot happen. God says that His plans for us are good; unless we ourselves reject or resist the work of God in our lives, those good plans cannot thwarted.

    “For I know the plans I have for you,” says the LORD. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.” (Jeremiah 29:11, NLT)

    “I know that You can do anything and no plan of Yours can be thwarted.” (Job 42:2, HSCB)

    When we are walking in yieldedness to the Spirit of God, then we have the amazing confidence that God is working through our suffering for our good and for His glory. Our God-ordained suffering actually shapes us for greater joy.

    Instead of being afraid that we will be inwardly deformed by our difficulties, we find that our God-ordained suffering actually heals us and advances us. When we trust the goodness of God, instead of being controlled by fear, we rest in His perfect love for us. We allow God to build a core of strength and peace within us that we had never known before.

    The reason we don’t give up on our difficult marriages is because we are convinced that God knows how to redeem our pain, how to make our spirits thrive, and how to create a glory that far outweighs our troubles.

    “For our momentary light affliction is producing for us an absolutely incomparable eternal weight of glory.” (2 Corinthians 4:17, HCSB)

    5. It is very hard to keep working at a marriage when we don’t see anything happening. But God is working! The roots of our obedience must often grow deep and sturdy before we can see the plant and long before we can taste sweet fruit. Our sincere attempts to please God are always seen by Him, valued by Him, and rewarded by Him: He honors those who honor Him (1 Samuel 2:30).

    Everything that we offer to Christ has spiritual force; it is used by God to advance His purposes. God uses our obedience like spiritual scaffolding in our marriages. Our willingness to cooperate with God in our marriages becomes the platform upon which God works.

    We “dare not despise the day of small things” because God sees every act of obedience, however small, and pours His mighty power into it (Zechariah 4:10, NIV).

    6. You will not regret trusting God. You will not regret obeying Him.

    We struggle; we fret; we rack our brains trying to figure things out. But the reason we wrestle with God is that we do not know what He knows. We would do well to remember this: God knows something that we do not know. We can trust Him.

    God keeps His promises; He is absolutely trustworthy. He loves us much more and far better than we love ourselves, and He has the power to pull it all off. His mighty arm has the strength to fulfill all that His wise mind plans for us and all that His loving heart desires for us.

    Don’t give up! You can make a difference.
    Don’t give up! Your marriage is worth fighting for.
    Don’t give up! You honor God as you honor your marriage.
    Don’t give up! Your God-ordained suffering will enrich you.
    Don’t give up! God is working through your obedience.
    Don’t give up! You will not regret trusting and obeying God.

  • Encouragement for Hurting Husbands

    “Some of you will rebuild the deserted ruins of your cities. Then you will be known as a rebuilder of walls and a restorer of homes.” (Amos 9:11, NLT)

    I know that you are asking God to fulfill these words in your marriage, and I earnestly join you in that prayer, believing that God’s heart is strong for healing and reconciliation. But I also know that at this moment, you sense only cold silence and closed doors. 

    I want to encourage you that you are not alone in your pain, God is not discouraged, and His plan for your life is not in tatters. 

    “We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.” 
    (2 Corinthians 4:8-9, NIV)

    God is not limited by your emotions. You can feel low and yet have strong faith. As you set your will to follow God, He works powerfully through your yielded spirit. 

    “Therefore, since we do hold and engage in this ministry by the mercy of God …, we do not get discouraged (spiritless and despondent with fear) or become faint with weariness and exhaustion.”
    (1 Corinthians 4:1, AMPC)

    I pray that the following five truths will strengthen you today.

    1. God’s mighty purposes for your life and your marriage are not thwarted. 

    “I know that You can do anything and no plan of Yours can be thwarted.” (Job 42:2, HCSB)

    God is still using your marriage to draw you closer to Him. The Spirit is still using you to show those around you what God looks like. You have the opportunity to reveal God as a forgiving God, full of generous grace, unfailing commitment, and unconditional love. In fact, it is when our marriages are difficult that we are most able to demonstrate these awesome attributes of God.

    *

    And when our marriages are difficult, we are often able to see our own hearts better. When a spouse is warm and supportive, we may believe that we are more loving than we really are. “You scratch my back, and I’ll scratch yours” is usually a  pleasant transaction, not a self-denying sacrifice. But when we serve a spouse without receiving appreciation or even acknowledgment, then our inner responses reveal our true motivation. 

    As others have pointed out, when we are treated like servants, we quickly learn whether we have servant’s hearts or not! When we are not receiving positive feedback, we have the privilege to serve purely for the sake of love.

    (Continue reading HERE at StartMarriageRight.com.)

    *Photo by FreelyPhotos from StockSnap

  • Hope for Difficult Marriages from Gary Chapman

    What can you do if your spouse is abusive … or depressed … or addicted? How do you live with someone who won’t communicate?

    In his latest book, Dr. Gary Chapman tackles all of these difficult situations, and more. As he addresses each challenge, he offers strong encouragement and practical instruction.

    This new release comes with a long title, Loving Your Spouse When You Feel Like Walking Away, as well as a long subtitle: Real Help for Desperate Hearts in Difficult Marriages. That’s okay, though, because the book is also long on encouragement. Its delivery is as good as its promise.

    chapman

    The core of this encouragement is the confidence “that there is hope for the hardest of marriages.” For spouses in struggling marriages, hope must be the starting place, as well as the refrain: “in every troubled marriage, one or both partners can take positive steps that have the potential for changing the emotional climate in a marriage” (17).

    Reasons for Hope

    Hope in a desperate marriage comes from four bedrock truths. When people accept these truths as reality, they become people of hope, and their marriages gain a platform for change, even transformation. Here are the four truths:

    1. You are not a victim of your circumstances. “Your environment may influence you, but it need not dictate or destroy your marriage and your life” (19).
    2. “People can and do change” (20).
    3. Misery or divorce are not the only options in difficult marriages (20).
    4. No marriage is completely “beyond hope” (21).

    Dr. Chapman’s goal in Loving Your Spouse is to encourage husbands and wives to embrace “the positive actions that one individual can take to stimulate constructive change in a relationship” (24). Years ago, a friend shared this illustration with me:

    Suppose that a husband and wife are back-to-back in conflict. We know that if both of them will turn around, then they can be face-to-face again. But what if only one is willing to move? Well, what if that one will walk around the other so that the two are again face-to-face?
    One person can make the difference!

    Dr. Chapman does not use that illustration, but he argues for that principle: “One person must always take the initiative. Perhaps that person will be you.” (38)

    Realities to Live By

    Dr. Chapman is careful to point out that we cannot change or control our spouses. However, we can choose our own attitudes, and each of us can influence others.  Loving Your Spouse outlines six realities which form the basis of a plan-of-action for every marriage. The final principle of “reality living” is this:

    Love is the most powerful weapon for good in the world. Meeting your spouse’s emotional need for love has the greatest potential for stimulating positive change in his or her behavior. Since love is our deepest emotional need, the person who meets that need will have the greatest influence on our lives. (231)

    In the first part of Loving Your Spouse, Dr. Chapman discusses the reasons for hope, the basis for change, and the motivations that underlie misbehavior. He then identifies ten difficult situations and addresses each one specifically in a separate chapter:

    1. the irresponsible spouse
    2. the workaholic spouse
    3. the depressed spouse
    4. the controlling spouse
    5. the verbally abusive spouse
    6. the physically abusive spouse
    7. the sexually abused or sexually abusive spouse
    8. the uncommunicative spouse
    9. the unfaithful spouse
    10. the alcoholic or drug-abusing spouse

    chapmanIn each of these focused chapters, Dr. Chapman shares real-life situations, gives specific counsel, and lists resources for further help. Loving Your Spouse is full of both encouragement and practical advice. Not only will this book be helpful to you as you apply the principles of “reality living” to your own situation, but it will also be helpful as you encourage others who are struggling with some of these specific marital challenges.

    For You

    A giveaway:  Moody Publishers is providing a complimentary copy of Loving Your Spouse When You Feel Like Walking Away. If you would like to enter the drawing to win this book, simply leave a comment below no later than April 17. I will notify the winner on April 18, and you will receive a paperback copy in the mail.

    A webinar: You are invited to attend a webinar this Thursday evening, April 12, as Dr. Jessica McCleese and I discuss three terrific tools for building marriage. (You can view the replay HERE.)

    A prayer:  You have a standing invitation to join us each week as we pray for marriages and families. You can join us by phone or online every Thursday at 12:30 (Eastern), or you can always listen to the archives online. Let me know if you would like us to pray for you by name.

    Blessings to you!
    Tami

     

     

     

     

  • 6 Reasons for Hope

    hopeAre you ready to give up on your marriage?

    Perhaps you have reasons such as these: You are the only one trying to making it work. It takes too much effort. Nothing ever gets better. It is too painful. What if you discovered that God’s gift of hope is greater than your pit of despair?  What if you learned six powerful reasons for not giving up?

    1. Just one person can make a huge difference in a marriage. Just one person—you!—can make enough difference in a marriage to change the entire dynamic of the relationship.

    Imagine this: think of two people standing back-to-back in conflict. If both people are willing to turn around, then the couple will be face-to-face in good relationship again. However, what happens when one person in that back-to-back situation remains motionless while the other person walks around to face the one who did not move? The two people become face-to-face again, even though only one person moved.

    …  [Continue reading at www.StartMarriageRight.com]

     

     

    Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici at FreeDigitalPhotos.net