Manna for Marriage

Tag: God’s view of sex

  • 25 Questions (Part 2)

    Last week, I recommended to you Juli Slattery’s new book, 25 Questions You’re Afraid to Ask about Love, Sex, and Intimacy.

    Today and again next week, I want to share several of Juli’s gracious answers to those awkward questions.

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    Chapter 1: What’s the big deal about sex?

    I was interested to read Juli’s basic “theology” of sex. If someone does not have this foundational piece well-grounded in Biblical truth, then the other pieces may not be solid, either. However, I think Juli is right-on-track with statements such as these:

    “[Y]our sexuality is inseparable from your spirituality. In fact, every sexual choice is also a spiritual choice. Sex isn’t just about sex.” (p. 16)

    The “walls we build between the sexual and spiritual are only imagery.Confusion and hidden pain related to sex is intricately intertwined with our present relationship with God.” (16)

    “God created sex and the covenant of marriage to be a brilliant metaphor of how deeply He knows us and longs for us to know Him.” (16)

    “Sexual intimacy is a powerful picture of the gospel—of the degree of intimacy and ecstasy we are capable of having with God.” (17)

    What an important understanding! Sex has physical components, obviously, but it is an immensely powerful force—for good or for evil—because of its spiritual dimension. We cannot determine whether particular sexual practices and attitudes are healthy or destructive without knowing that physical marriage parallels spiritual covenant. Unfortunately, in our culture and even in many churches, this is a completely foreign concept.

    Chapter 16: How can I compete with porn?

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    Click on the graphic for a great list of resources for combating porn.

    I want to highlight this question because October 25-31 is WRAP week, designed to focus on the fight against pornography. Porn is a vicious destroyer of marriages, families, and everyone it touches.

    Longing for intimacy and affection, many wives feel they must compete with porn. However, this is a phony set-up. Porn does not provide true intimacy and has nothing to do with affection. (By the way, the ministry that Juli Slattery now leads is called Authentic Intimacy.)

    In this chapter on porn, Juli writes:

    “Ironically, porn can’t even compete with itself. A man using porn doesn’t go back to the same picture or video, but always wants something new …. However, we must remember that porn is NOT intimacy; it is a cheap counterfeit. Your husbands needs more than sex; he was designed for intimacy.” (134)

    Juli also provides this encouraging reminder:

    “As rampant as pornography and sexual addictions have become, God is still in the business of healing.” (135)

    So, how do you compete with porn? You don’t! When you discover mold in your walls, do you try to compete? Of course not. Porn is not something to compete with; it is something to fight against. It is something to resist and defeat.

    Interested in a copy of 25 Questions?Image courtesy of digitalart at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

    Compliments of Moody Publishers, I am able to give away one copy of 25 Questions.  If you would like a chance to receive this book, simply leave a reply to this post (or email me), and your name will be entered into the drawing. You may enter more than once.

    Blessings to you!
    Tami

     

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    Image courtesy of digitalart at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

  • 25 Questions about Sex (and 25 Great Answers!)

    Hot-off-the-presses of Moody Publishers is this new book by Dr. Juli Slattery:

    25 Questions You’re Afraid to Ask about Love, Sex, and Intimacy.

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    If Juli’s name is familiar to you, you may recall that Dr. Slattery was Dr. Dobson’s cohost on Focus on the Family from 2010-2012. A clinical psychologist, Juli has been married for almost 20 years, and she is the mother of three boys.

    25 Questions

    25 Questions You’re Afraid to Ask is easy to read and well organized. Each chapter in this paperback book is fairly short. (The longest is only nine pages.) Written in a stand-alone style, the chapters may be read in any order. The material is very practical and certainly relevant to many. Although the book addresses women, much of the discussion would be just as applicable to men.

    Do I recommend this book?

    Absolutely.

    I recommend 25 Questions because Juli’s counsel is solidly grounded in Scripture. We may ask the 25 questions with fear, but Juli answers them with grace and insight.

    Juli treads a couple “gray areas” more tentatively than I would. Once or twice, she uses a broader brush than I would have chosen, but I agree with her conclusions. Her advice is godly, springing not only from personal experience and extensive counseling, but especially from the wisdom of Scripture.

    Here are some of the questions that we’re afraid to ask:

    1. What’s the big deal about sex?
    2. Who are you to judge my sexual choices?
    3. Can I be single and sexual?
    4. Is it wrong to like sex?
    5. And I waited for this?
    6. Why do guys care so much about sex?
    7. Is ____ okay in the bedroom? (You fill in the blank!)
    8. What do my temptations say about me?
    9. How do I get past my shame?
    10. How do I know he is the one?
    11. How far is too far?
    12. Is living together a good test run for marriage?
    13. What if I’m attracted to someone else?
    14. How can I compete with porn?
    15. Can I be godly and gay?
    16. How do I rebuild trust after a betrayal?
    17. Does forgiveness mean I’ll be hurt again?
    18. What if I don’t like sex?
    19. How do I make time to make love?
    20. How do we fight without hurting each other?
    21. Why wouldn’t God want me to be happy?

    Over the next couple weeks, I will be sharing a few “choice nuggets” from 25 Questions and summarizing several of Juli’s responses.

    Blessings to you!
    Tami